On Sunday I went for a run along the Suffolk coast. It was a cold, grey, awful day. Was it really May?
When I stepped out of the house I flipped my iPod over to the “purchased music” selection, and scrolled through. I put on the tunes my friend Kate had recommended to me.
Kate lives in Texas and loves country music. I confessed to her my secret love of Blake Shelton and she sent me the longest bestest list of top country tunes, which I dutifully downloaded like all good friends do when their friends recommend music to them. Yes, I listened to a country music playlist. Don’t judge.
I went running to clear my head. To try to find space and peace. There is some stuff going on in my personal life which has me feeling a bit low. I’m making peace with it. But I also had to make some decisions. Here are some of the random thoughts I had:
I was out running. Something I never thought I would ever be able to do. Ever. Yet here I was.
I make a habit of going against the grain.
If I don’t like something, I do what I can to change it.
I seek proof and answers.
I seek continual personal improvement.
I hate “no” for an answer.
When it comes to my feet, there may not be an answer and there may not be improvement. But that doesn’t stop me trying.
I am fundamentally lazy and way prefer my sofa to running.
I am a sofa rebel.
Will this change when the new sofa arrives?
Some pain hurts so good.
Who knew wooden spoons had so many uses.
Is John Cougar Mellenkamp considered country?
Running makes me feel alive.
I like feeling alive.
I feel better when I decide things based on what my heart says.
And it continued. Into my thought and decision making process… I love logic. My head is full of it. I think that may be a consequence of being a math major. I am drawn to logic and logical arguments. There are things going on in my personal life, I need to conserve my days off in case I have to travel for personal reasons. I had planned to take time off to go to the US Paratriathlon National Championships – but that is time off of work, and days off that I might need to put to better use later in the year. British Nationals are the same weekend as US Nationals. Was it silly to go all the way to the US just to do a sprint triathlon? I mean, I could stay at home and support British Triathlon, do the championships here, listen to my foot, acknowledge I am not in top physical condition, race better without the jetlag, race with my number one supporter DH… Logic was winning the day.
But my heart…
The music played. I ran in the cold bracing wind. I struggled through that measly 4k run.
But I felt alive. And I knew what to do.
I *knew* I had to make the decision from my heart.
I needed to choose a path where there would be no “what ifs” or “I wishes”, I needed to go with my heart and be at peace.
To quote Forrest Gump:
You never know what you’re gonna get – the opportunities today may be gone tomorrow. All you have is what you have now.
I’ll be going to Austin Texas from the 25th to the 28th of May, racing in the USA National Paratriathlon Championships. I will race to the best of my ability on race day, with no regrets and no “I wishes” and no “what ifs”.