Finally! Finally I am feeling myself coming back to my normal!
On the last day of February I started to feel really really unwell. Last week I waited for the sickness to pass. This is a cold, I thought, so it will lift in a few days. But when I got to my seventh day of doing nothing, waiting for things to pass, I had had enough and took myself off to the doctor. After mere minutes the doctor declared “sinus infection”, gave me a week of antibiotics, and sent me on my way.
Me, on the first day of sickness, feeling distinctly unwell and hiding behind some big shades…
It is amazing how a simple sinus infection threw me off my stride. I felt completely low. A true case of the sads. It is so unlike me to feel that type of low. I am very aware of how chronic conditions can lead to depression, and I am lucky that I have only really suffered one bout of prolonged anxiety (triggered by enormous stress) back in 2008. But the sadness I felt last week… It amazed me that something as small as a sinus infection had the power to push me over the edge, to throw my equilibrium out of whack completely. I felt so low, and am so thankful that the clouds are parting as my nasty sinus infection clears up.
I feel my normal returning. I can tell because I actually want to cycle. In some ways I hate my bicycle. I feel slow and climbing is tough for me. Cycling can be infinitely frustrating for me, and my frustration is not helped by my avoidance of the bike in the deepest darkest winter months.
But in other ways, cycling is my happy place.
I came to cycling late, learning to ride a bike in the summer before I turned nine. But when I finally discovered how to balance, and I finally learned to ride, cycling became my freedom. A ticket to go to my friends houses without needing a lift from my parents. It was a ticket out of the house, as the weather warmed cycling was a sign that spring had come and that we could spend all day on our bikes riding in our neighbourhood.
I know that when I feel like cycling, it means that I am feeling optimistic. That I want the freedom that I feel when I am relying on pure pedal power.
I took my road bike in for servicing yesterday. And my cycle shoes. My cleats are more or less cemented onto my shoes, the screws totally corroded. I am hoping with the right tools that even my shoes can be rehabilitated. I am racing a few smaller triathlons this year, and it is time to get my bike ready. It is time to get back into the saddle. It is time to get ME ready. It is time to return.