Book Review: Women Food and God

About 5 months ago on Twitter I noticed a post from Karen on her visit to the Kripalu Center.  I had read about the Center in Whole Living, and had always wondered what it was like.  So I asked her what she thought.

“I didn’t really take in the institute or what it offers”, she said.  “I was there for Geneen Roth’s workshop.”

I hadn’t heard of Geneen Roth before, but did a quick google search.  Geneen has written a few books exploring the reasons for compulsive eating and dieting, and looking at relationships with one’s self for answers.  She runs seminars, has written books, and she published a book called “Women Food and God” which quite a few people on Twitter seem to have read.

I have an interest in all things healthy lifestyle related, so picked up a copy of the book.  I am not sure if I match the profile of the person who usually buys Roth’s book.  I mean, the cover says “If you suffer in your relationship with food… you can be free.”  I don’t suffer in my relationship with food.  Sure, I am always looking for ways to eat better, cleaner, and more mindfully – but that is not suffering, that is a part of wanting to be healthy.  Leaving the cover aside, in the prologue Roth says that anyone who eats should read her book, as should anyone who wants to get rid of their beliefs in their own limitations.  So with an open mind, I read.  And pleasantly I can report that Roth’s book spoke to me.

I flew through it – it is an easy read, using a lot of examples to make her points Roth illustrates that our relationship with food is a direct reflection of our relationship with ourselves. 

I found myself thinking about my own relationship with food.  For me, food has always symbolised a connection with my mother.  Some of my earliest memories are of mom making batches of bread and butter pickles with cucumbers from her garden, of sitting down and sharing a snack of a fresh tomato with her on a sunny day.  When I lived in Japan my mom would send me recipe cards of foods from home that I missed, so that I could learn to make them myself.  I still subscribe to Cook’s Illustrated, a continuation of the original subscription she sent to me when I moved to London in 1997.  Food, eating well, cooking – it is a connection to the love and comfort given to me by my mother, and a vehicle that I use to pass along the same to my friends and family.

Roth’s writing had quite a few thoughts that resonated with me.  I found myself reading her words, and reflecting on my where I currently am in life.

“Obsession is something to do besides having your heart shattered by heart shattering events.”

“Hell is wanting to be somewhere different from where you are.”

“It is about weight to the extent that weight gets in the way of basic function: of feeling, of doing, of moving, of being fully alive.”

“Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable.  Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent and very very short life.”

“It’s not about the goal… Because when your goal is reached, they will be reached in the “right now”. And in the “right now” you will still be you.”

I like that Roth approaches the issues around body image as a journey in discovering one’s sense of “loveliness”.  I have been working with Christine Lynch, the Holisticguru, about some of these same ideas.  A lot of my own journey, with regard to fitness and health while coming to terms with having a nerve disease, has been about learning to listen to and care for myself.  About learning to accept who I am at the core, while working to redefine my limits without losing my sense of self.

Roth’s thoughts also led me to reflect on something that had happened in 2010, which has been bugging me.  I had a group of friends to dinner, and I made a meal which took into consideration that one of my friends was following a “plan” to lose body fat.  However, it was also a celebration, so I made cupcakes (carrot cupcakes, with walnut and raisins – I figured if I was going to serve a sweet I would try to at least include some healthy ingredients).  My friend on the diet designed to shed body fat *announced* that she would not eat a cupcake, as “it is not on the plan”.  I felt irrationally offended.  My demonstration of love and respect, in the form of the cupcakes I had made, was rejected.  Roth, in various theories, helped me to see what seems perfectly obvious in retrospect – that not eating a cupcake because “it isn’t on the plan” had absolutely nothing to do with me and in no way was it a rejection.  My friend’s choice was just that – *her* choice, a reflection of her own journey and relationship with food.  But as I continued to reflect on this incident, I had a further realisation: I am not in the same space as some of my friends.  When I share their space – one of restriction, denial, and the mantras associated with it – I am distracted from accepting and celebrating who I am today.  I start to doubt my own choices and decisions.  I get distracted.  And I lose focus.  I can see that this is interfering with my own journey.  To quote Geneen Roth “eventually you will stop wanting to do anything that interferes with the increasing brightness you have come to associate with being alive”.  This realisation is tough, and the natural follow through – stepping back from a friend that has been so supportive of me in the past and who is a great supporter to others – is even tougher.  But at the moment, it is the right decision for me, for where I am.  I think that the reflection I did when reading Roth really helped me to come to this decision and feel comfortable with my choice.

Reading books like Women Food and God is not for everyone.  But I enjoy them because I enjoy taking the opportunity to pause, reflect, and readjust aspects of my life.  If you are the same, or if have an interest in the psychology of eating and wellness, I am pretty certain you could find “food for thought” here.  Or if not food, then perhaps some words from Geneen Roth that resonate with you like they did with me.